TBT: On Burn Out

In some circles burn out can been a dirty word. Or a dirty secrete at lest. But burn out happens everywhere: in relationships, in hobbies, and even in your deepest passions (be it writing, reading, or running).

Don't be ashamed of burn out. It happens to the best of us. I wrote this post after struggling with some pretty serious burn out for a few months. I hope my experiences help you through the frustration of burn out.

Enjoy!

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I mentioned my burn out in my May recap.

It’s been tough. A lot of times I can sense burn out coming. And sometimes I can take steps to stop burnout in it's tracks. But in May I was blindsided by burn out. I was riding the sugar high of just finishing a rewrite. My energy was good and I rolled that into outlining not one – but TWO – potential WIPs.

In April I was reading a ton as well. But I burned out there, too. In May I started a lot of books and put them down right away. I just wasn’t connecting with anything.

And I think I know why –

I’m going to law school in the fall. I start in August. It’s fantastic, terrific, thrilling news. I’m ecstatic be going. I love the law and I love learning. I’ve wanted to go to law school for more than ten years so getting in and actually making this dream a reality is amazing….and also not amazing. Because there’s this nagging guilt that seeps into my daily thoughts, whispering “you’ve given up, haven’t you? You’ve given up on your dream of becoming a writer.” Ugh…hate that feeling.

And that feeling is total bull because it doesn’t have to be that way. My rational mind knows that I don’t have to be one dimensional.

Yes, being a published author and writing full time is a goal of mine. It’s been my dream for as long as I can remember. But I need a Day Job for the time being and I don’t see why I shouldn’t work a Day Job in a field I am passionate about: law. So why does it feel like I tied my writing dream to a chair in the basement?


Why can’t I have both? Why can’t I be both?


I think I can. I see men and women all the time who work as husbands/wives/mothers AND as writers, AND some other job (be it part time or full time). Not to mention all those folks likely have hobbies, and friends, and other commitments or obligations (some fun and some not so fun). People are not one thing.

So being a law student, an employee, a wife/sister/daughter/friend, AND a writer shouldn’t feel impossible. It can be done. A singular passion does not define me….so why do I feel all this guilt?

I think I’ve imposed an arbitrary dedication meter to my passion. If I am not writing 1000 words a day or 3 hours a day while braiding the mane of a unicorn I’m no longer a serious writer. I doubt I’m alone in this belief but it’s arbitrary. And if this dedication meter is helping me to be more disciplined then great! But if this arbitrary dedication meter is making me feel terrible then it’s no longer useful and it needs to go.

Because the reality of writing as work is this: sometimes you must to step back. Sometimes you must take a break. And we shouldn’t feel guilty about resting but we do. At least a lot of us do anyway. Ugh. It’s the worst.

I don’t know what my life will look like after I start school. I know this new path means I will need to make a lot of changes in my life. And change is uncomfortable. Waiting and anticipating this change is uncomfortable. It’s a lot like riding home from the beach with sand in your shorts.

I don’t know what my new normal will look like. But I do know that in the new normal there will be writing. Not just writing for school but writing for me. Fiction. My stories. The plots and characters I love. It’s important to me and that won’t change. But what and how much I write is still a mystery at this point.

That should be okay with me. But it’s not. It’s uncomfortable.

This anxiety and uncertainty contributed to my burn out. Here's a glimpse inside my brain over the past few weeks.

Should I start this project? Probably not because you’ll just have to put it down in Aug and you may not be able to pick it back up for a while.

Should I read this book? No, it’s part of a series and you won’t be able to finish the entire series before Aug so don’t bother starting it now.

Should I revise this project? No, there might not be time to finish it all before Aug.

Should I continue to query this project? No, because if it gets picked up by an agent they will want you to revise and you may not have time to revise it before Aug….


These are actual thought’s I’ve had. These are self limiting and self defeating thoughts. And there is a lot of fear there. A lot of fear masquerading as practicality. I am scared. I’m scared I won’t have enough time.

So I need to evaluate this further. Maybe I don’t send queries for a while. Maybe I don’t revise that WIP right now. Maybe I don’t do anything for the next three months….But if that’s the case I want the decision to be evaluated on more than just fear. I want to get passed the fear so I can understand this anxiety.

I don’t have an answer for this burn out yet. I plan on going through some of the burnout-fighting steps that worked for me in the past. And in addition, I plan to really get to the bottom of this fear.

Until then, I’m just going to take things one day at a time. Maybe I blog, maybe I don’t. Maybe I draft, maybe I don’t. Maybe I read, maybe I don’t.

This doesn’t mean I’m a failure or lazy or undisciplined. It just means I’m still working things out. As uncomfortable as that is….it’s okay.


Want more on book and/or writing related burn out?

Check out this awesome post by Jenny Kaczorowski on why rest does not equal failure.

Or my post on managing book burn out and contest fatigue.

And if your book burn out is actually writer burn out (as in I can't write another book) check out this post by the lovelies at Writer Unboxed

TBT: 5 Reasons to Attend a Writers Conference

Another summer another writer's conference, amirite? Normally, I'd say yes. However, these days my summers are full of classes of the law variety.

But you can (and should) attend a writers conference! If you're on the fence just review my 5 reasons writer conferences are essential.

Enjoy!

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Con or Con, There Is No Not-Con - Yoda.

Okay, so maybe that’s not exactly what Yoda said. I think we all know what he actually said.

But still, when it comes to the question of whether or not you should attend a writing con the answer is easy: YES.

There are so many wonderful reasons to attend a con. If you are interested in any of the following 5 Reasons to Attend a Writers Conference – I’d say do it. Go.

1. Networking – um hello, has to be the number one reason to attend a con. We spend so much time walled up in our writing caves, deep in our own imagination, that we sometime forget to shower, eat, or otherwise take care of ourselves. Wouldn’t it be great to spend some face time with other people who can relate? (BTW, most people do shower before actually attending a con. Just so you know. And pants ARE required. ) Not to mention the fact that you can fangirl at cons, which, if you are like me, is your idea of networking.

2. Learning – Most writer cons have classes or workshops in which you can learn about craft, industry changes, publisher updates, what editors are looking for, and so much more. There are even cons that include workshop elements where your pages are reviewed by industry pro’s. But here’s where you’ll want to do your research. Some cons are aimed more at readers (so there is less emphasis on educating writers). Be sure you know what you want before you sign up.

3. Free Stuff – And I mean tons of it.

You get a book. And you get a book. And you get a book.


You get the idea. At cons you can snag boxes and boxes of free stuff from actual books to smaller swag, Cons are rife with free stuff. Check out these pics of all the free stuff I grabbed at RWA Nationals last year:

Free stuff day 1

Free stuff day 2

Pretty awesome, right?

4. Inspiration – At RWA National’s last year the entire event oozed inspiration. I felt like Mario getting a power up from some invisible mushroom or something. There were so many wonderful stories being shared. Everywhere I turned another author was telling a tale about how they got their agent or how they sold. The message wasn’t “this is some secret club that only cool kids can join” it was “if I can do it so can you.” And the luncheon speakers were amazing. First of all, they took the stage to speak in front of more than 2,000 people so hat’s off to them for having amazing lady-balls of steel. Second, both of them made me laugh and cry. I don’t think I’ve ever felt more motivated to push forward in my writing career than after I attended RWA Nationals (which is why I can’t wait to go back this year!).

5. Exposure – Okay, going to a con won't turn you into a sexy sun goddess. But, a writer con is the perfect place to soak up industry knowledge. So many writers never query. They toil over their work but never find the last resource of strength needed to get their book baby out into the world. Some of that might be due to fear. Fear of failure. Fear of the unknown. And I firmly believe education and exposure can eradicate those fears. At many cons you can attend sessions with editors or publishing executives. Some cons offer workshops where you can spend one-on-one time with publishing pro’s. And still more, like RWA, offer pitching sessions where you actually, live-and-in-person, pitch your novel to an agent or editor. It’s scary. Yes. But it’s also not the end of the world. But it could be the start. A first step on a long path toward publication. And learning to pitch, learning to interact with the business side of publishing, is invaluable (or so I’m told – not that I’m published yet).


But writing conferences aren’t cheap (is anything cheap anymore? Sheesh):

The fact that not all cons are created equal means you should do your research before you drop the big bucks. Know what you’re looking for – if you want workshops and classes on craft a reader-focused event may not be worth your time and money. And if you want a smaller, more intimate setting, with a greater emphasis on critiquing/workshop then a national event like RWA may not be right for you (Remember to check local chapters of writing organizations. RWA and SCWBI have local cons).

I am a huge fan of writing cons and have included in my business plan a commitment to attend cons in the future. I want to stay current and keep improving.

Have you attend any great cons? Share your experience here:

National Poetry Month: Lily Myers, Shrinking Women

Last year, one of my favorite authors, Delilah S Dawson, posted a link to a video. Now, I'm not in the habit of clicking on vid links - because, yeah - but I clicked on this link.

What I found was the most amazing, talented, and wonderful poet performing her work. I watched the video over and over again until the words had soaked into my bones. Then I sent the video to my sister and my mother. The poem was that good.

It's so good I feel compelled to share it with you now.

So, in honor of National Poetry Month I want to share the poem that blew my hair back. Shrinking Women by Lily Myers.

I hope you enjoy: